Tuesday, May 25, 2010

How do you treat PPA? Shopping of Course!!

Just to let you know, this post is a full frontal post!  I'm completly exposing a somewhat private part of myself and feeling slightly vulnerable because of it!
This cob of corn{me} is getting husked and I'm about to show you my kernals!  Ok, get your mind out to the gutter!  No nude shots, just raw emotions

Think about a time in your life when you were overcome with anxiety.  Maybe it was those stressful 30 seconds before you found out the results of your pregnancy test.  It might have been that time you found out your loved one was in a car accident and the docters didn't know if he/she would make it out alive.  Now take this feeling and amplify it 10 times.  This is what it feels like to have a Panic Attack
When Sapphire was born I experienced PPA(post partum anxiety).  PPA doesn't seem to get the attention that PPD(postpartum depression) does.  Maybe because everyone assumes all new parents are a little on edge or nervous.  When I say I had PPA, I mean I had anxiety to the point I was debilitated and experiencing physical symptoms from it.  My heart would race, I would have intrusive thoughts, I felt nauseated and I had difficulty breathing.  Anxiety is real and so is PPA.  I'm not ashamed of having had PPA.  Why should I be ashamed of something millions of women experience all around the world.  In fact, I'm proud to say I've had it and  because I've had it I've developed certain coping mechanisms for dealing with my stress.
This week was a rude awakening for me in that I had to face the reality that I was returning to work on Wednesday. 
Once again the anxiety seemed to hit me hard,  like a transport truck carrying 17 tons of Budweiser beer crashing into your garage wall. {Happy Father's Day Honey!  Wouldn't your significant other love that for Father's Day? I know mine would}  This life altering event was upon me and I could feel myself entering ~~panic mode~~ again.  This time I knew I had to deal we my monster right away.  Yes,  I'll admit I've taken meds in the past.  I'm not ashamed to admit that either.  Why would I be ashamed of treating myself in order to be a good mom to my children?  However, meds are not the only way to deal with PPA.  For me, the key to dealing with anxiety is distraction.   If I allow myself to continuously worry about something then chances are that "something" will become a trigger for an onset Panic Attack.  Of course the best distraction for me is always shopping.  Yes, I'm talking good old fashion retail therapy.  Works like a charm everytime.
So, I bet you're wondering what I bought myself.

Today I had 4 hours to myself to go shopping.  I could have gone to any retail store.  I could have leisurly browsed through the stores in the mall.  Instead, all I could think about was going to the hardware store to get some supplies to make these adorable water bracelets for the kids.  I know, if I were you I'd want to kick me too! I 100% agree that I am pathetic.   However in my defense, it is insanely difficult to think about myself for once.  To give myself permission to be selfish even if it's just for the day! I've spent the last 14 months taking care of kids, making sure they are happy, healthy and thriving.  Today,  I finally had a day to take care of me and I blew it!
Tommorow I return to work.  I'm not really sure why I'm worried.  I have lots of great co-workers to hold my hand as I hone my nursing skills once again.  I have family members to watch my kids while I'm away from them.  It's not the end of the world if I don't get my crafting done this week or if the laundry piles up.
I just want this transition to happen and for life to get back in sync again.  To all you working Moms out there and SAHM's too!  This {{hug}} is for you!

Anyone have any good ideas for how to make my transition back to work a little easier, on myself and my family?
Does anyone want to touch on their own experiences with PPD or PPA?  I know you're out there!!
If you don't want to discuss it on this forum you can email me and I'll be more than glad to give you any support that I can.  I think part of dealing with it is to be honest and open about it.    
Wish me luck everyone!  Can't believe my lunch is packed and in the fridge waiting for me!  How weird is that?

PS Yes I did buy the supplies to make those water bracelets and I'll post the instructions for them next week so stay tuned. 
PSS Another good way I deal with stress is to grab a can of choclate fudge icing, grab a spoon and dig in.  Mmmmmm!  I should really be a therapist instead of a Nurse don't you agreee?
My perscriptions for PPA-take 2 tylenol, 1 glass of wine, 4 hours of shopping and 1/2 can of chocolate fudge icing!
PSSS-Is it possible to have 3 ps's and what does ps stand for?  Anyway, I would love it if you would join my followers list so I don't look like a loser!  Thanks everyone!  I know I sound like my 6 year old daughter but I like to have lots of friends too!
Over there in the sidebar ---------------------------------------->


Jennifer said...

Hi! I think shopping is a great way to calm anxiety. lol, i laugh because i have lots of anxiety over ridiculous stuff but it happens and you have to find other ways to deal with it. If you need somebody to bounce things off of your welcome to contact me! I've been there and it's hard. Yet, i'm actually going through it now. I'm sure work will be great! It's hard to see the positive when your overcome with emotion but it'll be great!! :) I know i'm rambling!! I actually thought i'd come visit your blog! Thanks for visiting mine! Thought i'd tell you the giveaway you entered, if you want too {completely optional} you get to have a different comment for each that you do. like if you voted for me then you get 4 separate comments which are different entries. Just thought i'd let you know in case you were interested. . . . still rambling! lol

3 Boys and an Old Lady said...

Shopping cures all things except CSD - compulsive shopping disorder. Check out my blog Three Boys and an Old Lady.

Crystal said...

Yes, CSD is definately serious. This is why I also suggest consuming 1/2 can of chocolate fudge icing! Thanks for pointing that out! Maybe I need to do a post on interventions!

Carrie said...

PS stands for post-script. And I may be wrong but I think the one's that follow are actually PPS and PPPS rather than PSS and PSSS... I think.