Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Our July Sucked-Harder than the the first time your newborn latched on!

Summer + Kids Home= 1 freakin', insane, pull your chin hair out, ****$$$x!&7**curse at the fly that just landed on my typing hand, Mother of 3 kids "CRAZY"!  aka ME!

OK, I feel better now!!!

I just want to touch base with everyone.  Yes I'm still ALIVE!  Surviving!  I must admit, the craziness in our household has reached swallowed a fish, lick the bottom of a shoe, sat on a roof top shouting "the sky is falling"at your neighbors CRAZY!!  (I'll admit to 1/3 of the previously mentioned "crazy" stunts-I'll let you decide which one)

Here are the following factors that precipitated this insanity:

  • Kids home for summer (sarcastic smile)

  • Started back to work  (Yuck!)

  • Sapphire broke her nose

  • Our lovely tractor (Stop laughing! Yes, we own a tractor) broke=$$$$$ just when we needed it most

  • Signed the kids up for Camp (Opal dropped out day 2)

  • A fun day at the beach left us all with a little more than a "healthy glow" (does sunscreen actually work anymore?  I swear I slathered everyone several times)

  • A gastro bug struck Opal, Pearl and Myself.  Opal followed up this week long nightmare with a nasty ear infection(from lake swimming) and Strep throat. 
Thank God there's two months of summer holidays because July sucked -harder than the first time your newborn latched onto the booby!! Ouch!

Yesterday I actually contacted the mental health hotline because I knew I had reached my limit.  (Don't judge)

If I remember correctly it sounded something like this..................

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

Hope everyone is having a blissful summer!  I would seriously love to hear about all your summer happenings.    Describe with detail all your itchy bug bites or about the racoons that crashed your campsite!
Humour me!  Make something up even--Show me your campfire storytelling creativity! 



Anonymous said...

check your email Crystal - I've sent you a pleasant summer story to make you smile. While you read it pretend it was you. Happy if you go ahead and post it on your blog.

Anonymous said...

Hi Crystal - check your email. I've sent you a story to make you smile. While you're reading it pretend it's you. Happy if you post it on your blog.

Tiffanee said...

I laugh only because I fully understand!! It does make for good stories. August will be better!! If not maybe we can share a padded cell and bang our heads off the wall. HA HA!!